A Time Apart: Book One of The Macauley Series Read online

  Why couldn’t he be more like those damn fictional teenage vampires?

  Olivia had exited the castle’s main doors and had walked down to the river’s edge, all while weighing those questions and more when William suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, appeared next to her. Neither spoke for several minutes; Olivia didn’t know where to begin and William was holding off on saying anything so as to let her own where the conversation next went. There was too much to say, too many avenues to go down. She couldn’t possibly know where to begin, so she muttered the thing that was at the forefront of her mind.

  “That wasn’t just fucking.”

  Olivia hoped that her bold statement would elicit a glimmer of recognition from him that she had spoken. Sadly, while he seemed willing to stand next to her, he couldn’t look at her.

  All those poor souls who just minutes before Olivia had silently mourned and her best, most reasoned rebuttal in their argument had not to do with her abhorrence over his killing, but rather whether or not he thought her some cut-rate whore who slept with someone just because he was handsome and exciting. Shallow, and probably a bit soulless herself, but no matter what she thought about his eating habits, she couldn’t have him think ill of her in that way. For some sick, twisted reason Olivia couldn’t have a man who once upon a time had been her husband and only lover think of her as a cheap lay.

  Hands braced in his front pockets, he continued looking out across the river rather than face her.

  “I loved you last night with everything I have, all that I am,” he conceded quietly, sadly, the emotions he’d so painstakingly kept in check for the entirety of their discussion finally revealed.

  “I know who I am and I accept it. I know who you are and I accept that. I am not the one that is conflicted about the reality of the situation before me; nor am I conflicted about what is between the two of us. I know that when I lie with you I do so in love and adoration, and I will not cheapen that by being with someone who cannot feel the same for me.”

  “I’m not conflicted at all about what is between you and me,” Olivia countered fervently. “I know who I was to you, and I know what I feel for you in the here and now. That’s not the issue at all. I’m not hiding from this. I want this! All of it!” She flung out her hands to show that she meant everything – him, Ireland, the castle, but most importantly, them, together, always.

  “To want this – all of it, as you say – means that you have to willingly and without rancor or judgment accept everything about me, even all that you find abhorrent. I don’t think you’re at a place yet, Olivia, either emotionally or intellectually, where you can promise me that.”

  He turned and walked away before she could respond, leaving her standing in the cold Irish night, alone and scared because she knew he was simply speaking the truth. She couldn’t promise him anything.

  CHAPTER 20

  The next two weeks were pure hell for Olivia. She couldn’t stop thinking about all that she had learned since meeting William, and the staggering ways in which her life had been turned upside down. Even if she had wanted to sever her ties with him - and she didn’t - there was no way she could go back to being the woman she had been. She knew too much and had felt an extraordinary, inexplicable love. Her life, for better or worse, was forever altered beyond comprehension.

  She wandered the countryside during the day, visiting historic monuments and villages, and at night she buckled down to write. Unfortunately, no matter how hard she tried, the story wouldn’t come. She’d start a sentence only to stop midway through, her thoughts taking meandering detours that eventually led her mind back to William and her own unfinished story. After three unsuccessful attempts at the same paragraph, she closed the document and opened up her email instead.

  To: Heather Jones

  From: Olivia Donnelly

  Date: September 17, 2014

  Subject: I’m stuck

  H -

  I can’t write. Try as I might, my mind is otherwise occupied. I know it’s so unlike me, but that man I met? I love him. I’m *in* love with him. I can’t stop thinking about him. We’re so different - we value different things - but I know he’s the man for me. I just need to find a way to reconcile myself to some startling truths.

  - O

  Olivia couldn’t tell Heather exactly what was happening to her, but she could tell her how she felt about William, and hopefully Heather would be able to give her advice that would help ease her path. Unfortunately, Heather had other ideas.

  To: Olivia Donnelly

  From: Heather Jones

  Date: September 17, 2014

  Subject: You’re NOT stuck

  O -

  Don’t worry about the book. The words will come when they need to. You have plenty of time.

  Now, about this man … why do YOU have to reconcile yourself to whatever these startling truths are? Why isn’t HE reconciling himself?

  And why are you being so vague?

  - H

  Olivia smiled, a feeling of warmth suffusing her battered soul. No matter what, Heather would always defend her, and always look out for her. Olivia could trust Heather to get right to the point and ask the hard questions. It was easy for her to do that though, Olivia thought, when she had a secure, happy - traditional - marriage. Heather saw things in black and white because she didn’t live in the gray areas, the shadows.

  To: Heather Jones

  From: Olivia Donnelly

  Date: September 17, 2014

  Subject: Calm Down Mama Bear

  H -

  Oh, don’t worry … I’m not the only one having to reconcile myself. William is doing plenty of that himself. :-) (I’m not exactly a pushover, you know.)

  I can’t really explain it all because I’m still trying to figure it out myself. But what I feel for him is just … so much. It’s everything. He’s everything. He’s my missing piece.

  It’s complicated. *He’s* complicated. He thinks *I’m* complicated. Ha! I’d love nothing more than to be with him forever, but we might be too different. I still have to figure out how I feel about his lifestyle.

  - O

  Olivia felt terrible for keeping secrets from Heather, but really she had no choice. It wasn’t as if she could end her email with “PS - he’s a vampire.” What Olivia could tell her was how she felt about William, and hopefully, as she talked through her conflicting emotions with her best friend, she’d come to a conclusion that she could live with.

  And that was the crux of it, wasn’t it? At the back of Olivia’s mind she hadn’t forgotten what Seamus had said about William, how he had questioned her intentions toward William. If she decided that their differences were too insurmountable, Olivia hoped that he would let her go gracefully, but a small part of her worried that she was being naive. She had to remind herself that her situation was precarious. William wasn’t just a jealous lover, he was an immortal being who had reconnected with the love of his life after centuries of mourning her loss; if he thought he was about to lose her, there was no telling what he would do. Olivia didn’t think he’d hurt her - he’d already admitted to her that he didn’t do anything that would cause him pain, and despite everything, Olivia knew that her death would be excruciating for him. Would he hold her hostage? Is that what Seamus was getting at with his dire warnings?

  I just don’t know!

  What Olivia did know was that she needed to make up her mind, and soon. It wasn’t fair to William that she linger at the castle if she intended to leave.

  As the days wore on she felt more and more isolated from her past, from the life that she had left behind, and she no longer recognized the woman that she had been.

  Olivia had always thought that she was strong, but her time in Ireland had shown her what true strength was. In California, she had let the world crumble around her when her parents had died. But here, in Ireland she’d been faced with circumstances that didn’t lessen the impact of her previous loss, but had opened her mind and heart to a world she co
uld never have imagined existed, to being a woman she hadn’t known she could be. William had given that to her.

  To: Olivia Donnelly

  From: Heather Jones

  Date: September 17, 2014

  Subject: You Sound Different

  O -

  I’ve never heard you talk like this about anyone before. It’s clear this William has affected you more than I thought. Ah, the heady early days of romance when everything is new and exciting!

  Be careful with your heart, Olivia. I don’t want you to get hurt.

  - H

  PS: I’m assuming the sex is fantastic.

  Olivia laughed for the first time in days. Leave it to Heather to know exactly what to say.

  To: Heather Jones

  From: Olivia Donnelly

  Date: September 17, 2014

  Subject: I am different

  THE SEX *IS* FANTASTIC.

  - O

  Heather responded, as Olivia had thought she would, almost immediately.

  To: Olivia Donnelly

  From: Heather Jones

  Date: September 17, 2014

  Subject: No you’re not.

  Of course it is.

  - H

  And that was one of Olivia’s biggest problems, wasn’t it? Because despite all of her tangled emotions, despite everything that William was, despite everything that she was or who she had been, her body was already attuned to his. But could her mind and body come to terms with one another?

  * * * *

  Olivia woke the next morning and immediately made her way to the kitchen where she unexpectedly encountered Seamus. It had been several days since she had last seen him, which gave her the distinct impression that he had been avoiding her. She decided that she could walk out and leave him the room, or she could march in, head held high and … address him politely.

  “Good morning Seamus. It looks like we’re going to have a lovely day,” Olivia said as she grabbed a ceramic mug from the cabinet above her head and set about preparing a pot of tea. When he didn’t respond, she turned around to find the room empty behind her.

  Okay, looks like I wasn’t imagining things.

  With her tea tray in hand, Olivia made her way back upstairs to her bedroom where she settled in to write. For the next several hours she typed furiously, her fingers flying over the keys as she worked to get the next several chapters out of her head and into her computer. The tea growing cold beside her, Olivia put the final period on the first twenty thousand words. She stood up to stretch her back, stiff from long hours at the computer, and was startled to find that while she had been lost in another world, night had descended on the castle. She listened at her door to see if she could detect any sign of William roaming the hallways, but as always, it was quiet outside. She didn’t know where he went, or how he spent his time, and it was killing her.

  Intellectually Olivia knew that she had to make her decision on her own, but emotionally, she felt that if she could only talk to him she’d be better equipped to do so. There were still so many questions she needed to have answered – less about him – and more about her past life. Olivia felt that if she could just understand that part of herself better, everything else would magically fall into place. Everything would become clear.

  Walking over to the bed, Olivia sat down and looked around. She wasn’t being held prisoner – that much was clear – so if she had wanted to she could go out for the evening. And do what? She’d already explored the towns and villages within 30 minutes driving distance of the castle. She had shopped, and she had dined, and she’d done everything that there was to do. At this point, she didn’t have a good reason to leave the castle except for the one that was the biggest reason of all: she was in love with a murderer.

  Could she ever get past that? Did she want to get past that? She knew that the only way she could be with William was if she was willing to forgive his past transgressions and to turn a blind eye when he committed them in the future. Olivia had often wondered why her mother stayed with her father through all of his affairs. She had thought she had done it for her sake, but Marie had been wealthy in her own right. She didn’t have to stay with Gerald because of Olivia – she could have divorced him at any time with no dire financial consequences and take her daughter with her. Marie and Olivia would have been just fine without him, so why had she stayed? Olivia began to wonder if her mother had truly loved her father for all those years, and if the only way she had been able to cope with his philandering had been to forgive and forget - to turn a blind out to his misdeeds.

  It was different with William though, Olivia told herself. If it had just been women, she could have fought for him, tried to make him stay faithful to her. No, his misdeeds were much greater, something Olivia couldn’t fight against. He either killed, or he died. Wasn’t that what he had told her? But surely he didn’t have to kill to drink human blood? Wasn’t there a way for him to get the sustenance he needed from someone who was willing to give it? Damn it, there was no one she could ask these questions except for William and he wasn’t speaking to her!

  Damn it, damn it, damn it!

  Olivia marched to her bedroom door, threw it open, and screamed as loud as her voice would allow.

  “SEAMUS!”

  She stormed out of her room and down the hallway, opening doors and slamming them as she searched the castle for the only other human in residence who could fill her in. She didn’t think he’d tell her anything specific about William, but he had lived there long enough –

  and seen enough, she imagined – that he would at least have a grasp of the basics.

  “Seamus! Get your ass out here right this instant and talk to me you spineless worm of a —!”

  Olivia stopped short as he stepped out in front of her.

  “What in God’s name is wrong with you woman?!”

  “Nothing! Everything! Gah!” Olivia ran her hands angrily through her disheveled locks. “Everything is wrong with me. I need answers and since William is avoiding me, YOU are going to give them.”

  “I’m not sure what you think it is that I can tell you that William hasn’t already. I told you once before, you have to ask him your questions. I will not tell his tale.”

  “Yes, yes, yes. I know that. I’m not looking for you to tell me anything about William … specifically.”

  Seamus eyed her critically, not liking the evasive way she was speaking.

  “And I will not give you generalities either, if that’s what you’ve come looking for.”

  Olivia turned and marched back down the hallway; reaching the end, she turned around and stomped her way back to stand in front of him. He watched her complete the circuit three more times before stopping her.

  “Come with me.”

  Seamus led Olivia down the hall and away from her room, toward his private study at the back of the landing. He opened the door and ushered her inside, taking one last look outside to make sure that William hadn’t seen him. He closed the door and almost locked it, realizing that William would get in if he wanted to, lock or no. Best to preserve the architecture, Seamus thought. He was turning around to invite her to sit in the chair in front of his desk when he saw that she had already made herself quite comfortable. Olivia was stretched out flat on the sofa at the back of the room, her right arm thrown over her face.

  “Make yourself at home,” he said, sounding only half as snide as he currently felt.

  “Oh shut up,” she mumbled back.

  Seamus didn’t know if he should be offended or amused at her blatant disrespect of his position in the house, so he let the rudeness slide.

  “Now tell me, what is all this screaming about?”

  He walked over to his desk and took a seat behind it while he waited for her to answer.

  “I have questions; you have answers.”

  Olivia swung her long legs down in front of her and sat up and faced him.

  “Like I said in the hall, I don’t know what it is that you think I ca
n tell you. I will not give away William’s secrets.”

  “I don’t care about his secrets!” She stood up and began pacing again. “Okay, yes I do. I care about them – a lot. But that’s not what I need you for. I need you to talk to me about … well, vampires. In general. I need to know what you know.”

  “Olivia, let me clear up any misapprehension you might be operating under. I do not have some vast understanding about the world of vampires. I don’t know vampires. I know one – one single vampire. William.”

  “Oh.”

  The word left her voice on a whisper. Olivia had assumed that because Seamus was William’s right hand that he would know everything about the paranormal world she now found herself in. She had hoped he’d be able to tell her what it was like to be a human surrounded by the mystical. It turned out, much to her sadness, that Seamus wasn’t surrounded by the mystical at all.

  “Yes. Oh.”

  She sat back down on the sofa, the fight having gone out of her.

  “I had hoped you’d be able to help me understand … well, all of it.”

  “Listen, Olivia, I told William that I wasn’t going to get involved; I promised him that I wouldn’t interfere. What you guys are doing is none of my business, and truthfully, I don’t want to know anything.”

  “But surely you know something about how William lives! Surely you had to come to grips with the killing?!”

  She was getting frantic again, Olivia knew, but she felt it all slipping away from her and she didn’t know what else to do. Seamus had been her only hope.