A Time Apart: Book One of The Macauley Series Page 20

  How have I let this woman unhinge me so?

  He knew the answer, of course.

  Olivia stepped into him, taking his shaking hands in her own.

  “I think perhaps you have known that type of a connection before,” she whispered. “I think, maybe, that sort of love is why we’re both here, against all reason or logic. I think we’ve both experienced that kind of love together, and I think it terrifies you.”

  Of course she was right. He had loved Ceara for his whole life – both natural and preternatural – and he was terrified by the feelings he had for Olivia, as both her own woman and as the return of his beloved. Surely there was no greater bond two people could share than the one he had with her.

  Still, William thought, for Olivia to admit that their bond was as strong and timeless as he felt it to be was both exciting and paralyzing for him. Was her acknowledgement of their unexpected and unexplainable connection a sign that she could no more leave him than he could leave her? William stifled his hope, knowing that she could always decide to turn away from him, utterly afraid of what it would do to him.

  He noticed that Olivia’s hands were trembling as well. Her outward appearance spoke of confidence and strength, while minute variances in her body’s natural reactions and tendencies gave her away. It took all of her will and resolve for her to approach him in the way she had, while speaking such words, because he knew that deep down she was not as confident as she wished to seem.

  He was humbled by her show of faith in him – in them – but was also extremely cautious because he could not yet trust that everything would turn to rights. Too much in his life had gone horribly wrong for William to trust what was there before his eyes. He had lived too long, witnessing the fickle and tumultuous emotions of humans, to put too much faith in their words. Even though Olivia truly meant what she said with all of her heart, William had seen over the centuries how time could test even the staunchest of beliefs and how more often than not, fear and strife could turn a person’s heart from its purpose. He wanted to trust her words but he couldn’t – not yet. Not until she knew more, had seen more, lived through more of his world.

  “Those are brave words, Olivia, when you are still afraid of me. When you still tremble in my presence.”

  William moved her hands down to her sides and ran his own back up the length of her arms, testing the strain in her posture.

  “Even now you stand in front of me tight as a bow, nerves fraught with tension. You’re ready to snap at any second.”

  Olivia looked pleadingly at William, begging him to understand her predicament.

  The truth of it was that he did understand. All too well. But that didn’t mean he had to accept it.

  William removed his hands from her body, then stood up and stepped away from her, moving his gaze from her face to stare out the window behind her. He couldn’t touch her while there was still such hurt in her eyes. He couldn’t let her affect him any more than she already had.

  “I am, as you have pointed out, a monster. And as the years go by my powers grow. I don’t know who or what I’ll be in ten years, fifty years, a hundred years ... or even a thousand,” he said, using his most soothing voice, cognizant that even the slightest change in pitch could startle her, breaking their tenuous connection.

  “You remember loving me, but you also remember what that love cost you. I’ve never stopped loving you, and I know all too well what that love cost us both. Yes, we are inexplicably connected to one another, but please do not speak too much of this love unless you are unwilling to turn your back on it.”

  It was all he could say without showing too much of his own bravado, his own lack of confidence in what was before them. William stepped even further away so that he could have both physical and emotional separation from her.

  He felt her sigh despite the distance between their bodies, her breath unintentionally caressing his cheek, the scent of her wafting over him and filling him with a hunger he had to control. William swallowed his venom and willed his body into submission. While he was still trying to make her accept the reality of her new life it was neither the time nor the place for her to be so crudely reminded of where she had placed her trust.

  And then her words struck him like hot iron to flesh, the pain searing straight to his heart.

  “I’d die for you,” she whispered, hands still at her side, her head hung low, eyes downcast, staring fixedly at the floor.

  Her words hung in the air, suspended like ice on a cold winter’s day.

  The tenderness of her voice could kill him if he let it, so William did what he’d been doing for centuries. He tried to protect myself.

  “You already did, remember?” he asked, making sure to lace his words with a menace that she’d understand.

  “Or no, you might not. Let me remind you then. In a frenzy of fear, hunger, and carnal frustration I feasted on you, the love of my life. You saw me for what I had become and I terrified you. You tried to run and I tore out your throat, mad with the blood lust. I loved you and I murdered you.”

  William wanted to scare her, remind her that she was in the den of the enemy and that she lived only because he allowed it. Advancing on her with fangs bared and eyes aglow, he tried to get her to run away from him and never look back – for her sake, if not his own. But Olivia would now be cowed by his display. No, not his brave, foolish Olivia. She held firm. Lifting her head and staring straight into his eyes, her steady, penetrating gaze stopped him dead in his tracks and held him captive.

  “I would die for you,” she repeated, stronger this time, inclining her neck to reveal the artery that he longed to claim.

  “Please, stop. I’m begging you. Don’t do this. Don’t say anything more.”

  William’s voice cracked, revealing how close to the brink he truly was, but she kept talking, making it harder for him to resist. Now it was she who spoke in subdued, unthreatening tones as if he were the one ready to bolt.

  “That first night together, when we made love, I knew then that I would do anything – be anyone – for you. Nothing will ever take you away from me. These past few weeks apart have reminded me of that.”

  William wanted to crush her to his body and bury his fangs deep into her neck, sucking her life away as he took it into his own body. He wanted to feast on her until nothing remained. He wanted to claim her as she’d never been claimed before.

  But he could not.

  He should not.

  “You don’t know what you’re saying, Olivia.”

  William could hear the pleading in his voice and it horrified him. In all his years as a vampire, he had never been reduced to this terrible mixture of desire and revulsion. He wanted so badly to give her what she was asking and yet he didn’t think he had the willpower to prevent himself if she pressed. Her request was his deepest, darkest desire and he wanted nothing more than to honor it.

  “It doesn’t matter what you are. I don’t care.”

  William knew that Olivia felt the conviction of that statement to the depths of her soul, but he also knew that she was terrified of what would happen if he took her up on those words.

  At least she’s not completely insane then.

  “What I am matters a great deal and you know it. Just days ago you admitted that you couldn’t be with me given some very pertinent details about how I live. Days, Olivia. Surely you haven’t changed your entire philosophy on human life in what amounts to a fraction of a second in my world.”

  “You are my life William. All that you are, whoever you are. We belong to one another, and we belong together – in that life, in this one, and in our lifetimes to come.”

  William fell to his knees and gripped her waist hard, bruising her delicate skin.

  “Why are you doing this to me?!” he bellowed. “Why are you tormenting me like this? You can’t possibly know what you’re asking me to do. It is irrevocable, what you think you want. There is no undoing what you’re asking me.”

  To Olivia�
��s credit, no matter how tight he held onto her she never wavered, never let him see any weakness in her stance or position.

  “I know what I’m asking you William,” she said, dropping to her knees in front of him so that they were eye to eye, heart to heart. Olivia put her palms on each side of his face, staring into the depths of his soul, begging him to surrender to her. He shuddered and dropped his gaze, completely defeated.

  “You’re asking for the thing I want most in this world,” he admitted. “I have no right to want this for myself.”

  “You have every right to want to love me for eternity, William. We were born for one another. We lost our way, but we’re together now, and shall be forevermore.”

  “No.”

  William could feel the fight slipping away from him, replaced by visions of what it would mean to have Olivia by his side for all of time.

  “Yes, William,” she said. “Forever. You and me, and the life that we were meant to lead.”

  “This is not the life we were meant to lead! We were supposed to have children and grow old together and die surrounded by our grandchildren and loved ones. This was never supposed to happen!”

  “You’re wrong William. You’re no longer dealing with Ceara. I was her, but no longer. I’m Olivia and this is the life that we are meant to lead.”

  Olivia’s words triggered a new, startling response in him.

  She had been, but she was not now Ceara. There was nothing he could do about what had happened during those first few days of his vampire life, and he would never know how their life together was supposed to have played. Now, at her urging, he looked from the past to the future and he could see Olivia by his side across the centuries, his eternal love bonded to him in a way that no marriage vow ever could. He was tired – so tired – of living in the past. He wanted her and he wanted a life with her. Now that it was there for the taking, nothing could stop him.

  William grabbed Olivia and pulled her in for a searing kiss, his fangs catching her lip and drawing blood. He sucked that sweet nectar, savoring the feel of it on his parched tongue. Drawing the last drop, he licked her mouth and kissed his way down her neck, stopping to lathe at the pulse point that beckoned him so wantonly, while his fingers deftly unbuttoned her shirt to reveal her petal soft breasts, rising and falling with the weight of her desire.

  In seconds they were both undressed and he was carrying her to his bed, her breathing uneven from anticipation and a tinge of fear, his steady and controlled in anticipation of what was to come and the discipline he would need to master. They we would never be together in this way again and William wanted to prolong the experience, to give Olivia his all so that she would not leave her mortal life having never known the devotion and adoration he had for her, the mortal woman that she was.

  William made love to Olivia then, not with the fervor of their previous coupling, but rather slowly, never once taking his eyes off her. He spoke with his body, his love searing her soul. When the time came, he could sense the trepidation she felt but there was nothing that could have stopped him from claiming her as his eternal wife. He held his release in check while he watched her climax reach its highest peak before she descended into a state of sated bliss. Through it all her eyes never left his so he saw the moment when her fear was replaced by longing and a desire to truly become his.

  William had never felt more complete or more in awe of another than he did in that moment.

  Staring into Olivia’s eyes, their bodies entwined, he repeated the most sacred of vows, and for the first time he knew a peace in his heart that had never existed during his immortal life.

  “You are blood of my blood, and bone of my bone. I give you my body, that we two might be one. I give you my spirit, until our life shall be done.”

  “I love you William,” she whispered in return. “Forever.”

  He dropped his head to kiss her one last time. As he pulled his mouth away from her lips, Olivia turned her head, revealing the heart beat moving heavy in her veins, beckoning to him. He kissed her thrumming pulse softly – reverently – and then moved to claim her, forever, as he’d wanted to do since he had first heard her voice on the other end of the telephone.

  As his fangs pierced her flushed, heated skin, Olivia’s hands clasped tightly around William’s, and he heard her whimper, but she did not cry out. He continued to ride her as he took her life into his body. Olivia stayed with him for as long as she could, saying his name over and over again. When her whispers died out and her heartbeat became nothing more than a feint murmur, her blood slowed and William knew it was time.

  He pulled his fangs from Olivia’s neck to pierce the skin of his right wrist. Once his own blood was flowing, he placed it against her mouth and commanded her to drink. At first she didn’t respond, but as the blood filled her mouth, she reacted to the life-saving fluid and began to furiously suck, drawing him into her body.

  Blood of my blood.

  After no more than a minute, Olivia eased her sucking and went still. She lay on their marriage bed, William’s blood forever transforming her. Her body twitched, and convulsed, but she never cried out. After what felt like a lifetime to William, Olivia’s eyes opened and she looked at him with irises that were a green he’d never before seen. More than that, they were glowing as his own often did.

  He was dumbstruck.

  Olivia was a stunningly beautiful woman in her mortal form, but his blood was already improving on her cell structure. Right in front of his eyes, she was becoming the most magnificent creature, easily the most beautiful woman he had ever beheld.

  They stared at one another for a long while. During those quiet moments, William longed to know what she was thinking. Unfortunately, with her preternatural transformation, Olivia’s mind was now forever closed to him. It was a tradeoff he would have gladly made a million times over.

  William continued to stare at her, willing his excitement and pleasure not to show too eagerly as he didn’t want to frighten or startle her lest she react erratically. As he was beginning to reach his breaking point, Olivia she blinked for the first time, breaking her trance.

  “William,” she said, and it was like he’d never heard his name before.

  As she had so often done during their many moments of intimacy, Olivia cupped his face with both of her hands, her palms now cool instead of the fiery brand they’d always been to him before. She went back to staring at him for several minutes, absorbed in the new sensations, her body completely stilled in a way it had never been able to before then.

  In addition to being unable to read her thoughts, this new unblinking, unbreakable focus that Olivia displayed also meant that William could no longer read every thought that crossed her face. He was dying to know what she was thinking, but in all ways her emotions were now forever closed to him unless she decided to share.

  Rocking her hips slowly and sensuously below him, William realized that their bodies were still connected. Shockingly they had remained fused as one during the entirety of her transformation. Reveling at the profound increase in sensitivity that her vampire senses had given her, Olivia’s eyes widened as she marveled at the myriad sensations she was experiencing from the friction of their bodies rubbing together. Soon she was forcefully writhing beneath him, begging William with her body to join her in physical abandon.

  William had never been through another vampire’s transformation quite so intimately so he hadn’t known what to expect. He had tried to keep all of his expectations in check; for him to conjecture about what would have happened once the deed was done would have only invited supposition, uncertainty, and second-guessing the absolute rightness of their actions.

  I never thought that it could be like this!

  William needed to know what Olivia was feeling and what she was thinking, where her mind was. In this, the first few moments of her awakening, he needed her to confirm that transforming her had been the right decision, that she was contented with the outcome of their irrevocable acti
ons.

  “Olivia? Talk to me, please. Say something.”

  He was near to begging, and William never begged.

  “Finish what you started, William,” she said, huskily.

  It wasn’t only her eyes that had taken on a new luminosity; Olivia’s voice also held a new smokiness. Whereas before her words had sounded like warm caramel poured over smooth vanilla ice cream, now she was a perfectly aged, peat-smoked whiskey – his absolute favorite earthly delight.

  Olivia laughed seductively and threw her right leg around the lower half of his body, pulling him down hard into her so that there was no question about what she wanted from him, what she was demanding. Intellectually, it felt to William like the absolute wrong course of action so soon after her rebirth, but he could deny her nothing, and physically he had no wish to deny her the fervent demonstration of her desires.

  Their bodies came together again repeatedly and with abandon; what had started out as measured, luxurious lovemaking turned into an assault on both their bodies and senses. Olivia accepted all that William could give as he endlessly and explosively buried himself deep inside of her warm and welcoming. They fought for supremacy and control, each giving as good as they got.

  William cried out her name as with one final thrust he experienced the most jarring, mind-shattering orgasm he’d ever known.

  As he emptied himself into her, Olivia pulled him down for what he thought was going to be a kiss. Instead she brusquely moved his face away and sank her newly-formed fangs into his neck and began drawing even more of him into her body, one thick, heady mouthful at a time.

  Without a doubt it was the single most erotic encounter that William had ever experienced, mortal or otherwise.

  His body was sated from their frenzied, passionate lovemaking, and his heart was bursting beyond measure with love. He had thought that he had been free with Nadia, but he saw now that he had lied to himself. He realized now that he had always held himself in check with her, afraid of what he would do to her mortal body.